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The Social Mirror - To My Son

It is a cool morning of December and winter is hovering over the city with a great comfort, no one will even think of moving out of the blanket at 4:00 am in morning but Kaushalaya does. She wakes up every morning no matter it is winter or summer, she takes a bath with the chilled water while chanting hare Krishna. At 5:00 am she starts walking on the street of Rautpar and stops at the Shiva-linga near the Ganga. She cleans the Shiva- linga with the pure water of ganga and than using flowers she decorates the linga. While returning home she never forgets to ask Vinayakji about his well-being. She always slows down at the fields and watch the farmers starting their work. Kaushalaya Shivprasad Upadhyay at the age of 70 cares about everyone in the village, when she needs to be taken care of.
Rajeev upadhyay is the only son of kaushalaya who lives in Mumbai with his family, yes with his family of three members. He stopped considering kaushalaya as his family member when she made her feel embarrassed in front of his friends. Rajeev has a son Nitin who is turning 12 next month. Rajeev's wife Smita is a doctor by profession and thinks people after certain age when they fail to help others should move to old age homes. Rajeev is happy, living with his family when one day he gets a phone call. It was Nayanram from Rautpar who informed him about the sudden death of Kaushalaya.
"Do you really think, we should come, I mean Nitin has his exams after 10 days he needs to focus" Smita said while looking at Rajeev who was busy with his laptop booking tickets.
"Yes Smita, you should come. What will people think, that you were not present at the funeral of your mother-in-law and after all she is my mother."  Rajeev answered
"Well, okay but you know I will not be able to handle the situation. Lot of ladies come over there and they will expect me to cry" she said.
"Its not important, right?. you don't even have to come out of your room, i will handle everything. I just want that people should know that you care" Rajeev said.
"I do care Rajeev...." She said with a sarcasm in her voice.
Next day Rajeev with his family reached Rautpar and was shocked by finding everything quite in his house and around the house. He couldn't find anyone crying or talking about the death, Every-one was busy with their work and it seemed that nothing ever happened here. When he moved inside the house he searched for his mother's dead-body but there was nothing instead the house was clean and all the rooms were locked. 
After an hour he met Ranvijay Singh the head of the village and asked about his mother.
"who are you, and why are you here?" Ranvijay singh asked with anger in his eyes.
"Uncle, I am Rajeev, Son of Kaushalaya" Rajeev said.
"Oh Really, I thought she lost her son but you are here, Well you would be happy to hear that she died yesterday morning after returning home from her prayers. we villagers have done everything regarding her funeral and now she has reached where she belongs. So thank-you for coming" Ranvijay said with tears in eyes.
"But, how can you do this, i am her son and its my right to perform every ritual regarding her funeral"
"What rights are you talking about, wasn't it your right to take care of her and live with her at the last part of her life. Rajeev, she was alone, alone in this big house which felt like hell to her" Ranvijay said while opening his bag and removing a paper.
"she gave this for you" Ranvijay gave the paper to Rajeev and turned his back an started walking.
Rajeev looked at the paper, it was letter addressing TO MY SON.


I hope you are living with all the happiness in your life and I wish god fulfills all your wishes. This letter could be my last words to you. I don't feel like living anymore, my bones are tired and my eyesight is getting weak day by day. Sorry son, I really don't want to bother you with my complaints but you know I don't have anyone to say these things. I just want to complain about each and every pain i am feeling deep in my heart and in my body. I know you don't have time to meet me and stay with me, but its been years i haven't seen you and i really want to. I still remember when you started going school and everyday i would feel insecure and terrible until you return home. That 5 hours would feel like hell, whatever work i would try to indulge myself in wouldn't help to stay calm unless you would return and start you chatter about all the silly things happened with you at school. Everything around for you was surprising and the things you wouldn't understand, you would call them silly. Maybe thats why, you thought my feelings are silly. Indeed they were silly, they are...
When i became a mother, I thought I was the happiest person alive. I would not allow anyone to look at you, I would talk to you and tell you whatever was happening around. I knew you didn't understand anything and you would cry for no reasons, but still I always loved to make you smile again. Your father and I went for days without talking to each-other. Those days he started coming home earlier from field and every-time he came he would start playing with you and would go on playing for hours. Whenever i think about it, all i do is laugh. I knew you needed us, I knew that without me, you would be torn apart. Than why did you forget that without you, i have been teared into pieces. 
I don't know what happened to my love, why did it become so weak that it was unable to hold you. I don't why suddenly i started to become a bondage for you. 
Maybe this is what life is, you are not loved
Its time for me to go and not return again. I will always be there for you. anytime you feel lonely just call me, like you used to and i will live with you unless you want me to leave.
Your Mother.
After reading the letter, Rajeev was broke an he started crying. I started pleasing god and begging for apology but he knew no one could ever forgive him.
Raviraj Mishra



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